Fan Fiction

Two of my favourite M/M reads since discovering the genre led me to pen a couple of fanfic ditties. Well, several actually, but only two I'm willing to share at present.

You will need to have read each Series from which the characters are taken for the fanfic's to be meaningful but I'm very pleased to tell you that both are Free Reads. You can download them from the respective author websites:

Special Forces
The Administration Series

A special thanks to the authors for producing such wonderfully inspiring characters that I couldn't let them go.

A Special Forces Fanfic
The following is an original work of fan fiction out of respect for the great writing and characterization of Special Forces. The characters are the property of the original authors Vashtan and Marquesate. It is strictly non-commercial and not intended to infringe any copyrights held by said authors. The text is not for sale or re-sale and not intended for profit.

Words Weigh Heavier Than Weapons: A Work of Fanfic.

‘Mr MacFadyen, how good to see you again.’

Ice slipped down Dan’s spine. He recognized the vilifying tone immediately. Konstantinov. They’d been expecting it. He was bound to surface again soon or later. Later would have been better. Never the less Dan turned, keeping the emotion, the pure unadulterated hatred from his face. Stoic in the face of the monster.

The man hadn’t changed. Still the sharp features, dark eyes that shone with victory. The familiar knot of hatred twisted in Dan’s stomach. Hatred but not fear. Loathing but no longer needing revenge. This man, just an old man, had fought to break him, to break Vadim. He had failed and they were living proof of that testimony. This would be fun.

‘I see you are alone. Is Vadim Petrovitch unwell again? Momentary lapses in function and control perhaps. A deep-seated fear of reality expressing itself during times of stress. At this stage there is likely less and less time between episodes. You must be exhausted with his care.’

‘On the contrary. Vadim is fit and well. He’s here actually, or will be shortly.’

‘Always so positive Mr MacFadyen, but I see the years have not been kind to you.’

Bastard. What did he expect? Yet we made it despite your best efforts. ‘A mild case of jetlag, nothing more.’ Dan forced a breath. No need to let the bastard get his claws in.

A quick glance over the shoulder of the man he was addressing and Dan saw Vadim, his silhouette frozen in the doorway leading from the hall. Dan half expected him to turn and run but instead he smiled. Dan could see a deep breath filling the strong chest, raising the perfect shoulders as Konstantinov’s words continued to fall unwelcome on Dan’s deaf ears.

Vadim shook himself out and took a step forward, followed by another and another until he closed the gap. Now just a few paces away, Dan saw his eyes were bright, his face calm.

‘Ah, there you are,’ Vadim said in a clear, strong voice that startled Konstantinov from the speech Dan had been ignoring. ‘I thought we could slip away for an hour. We have time before the next round of talks.’

Konstantinov stared unblinking into the face of his former prisoner. ‘Vadim Petrovitch, not hiding for my benefit I hope.’ A cruel smile spread across the angular features.

‘Not at all. I merely want to remind my partner how much I love him and appreciate him.’

Konstantinov balked at the suggestion, his glare hard with a flare of disgust that Vadim remembered so well but had little effect these days.

‘It takes a courageous man to love,’ Vadim said, using Konstantinov’s own words against him. ‘And a little sex goes a long way to cement that bond. Believe me when I say I go to my knees willingly for Dan.’

A flush of heat crept through Dan’s body. He reached out to take Vadim’s hand, needing to touch, to support his lover. Vadim stepped closer, pressing his body against Dan’s, leaning in to kiss his neck.

‘You can pretend Vadim Petrovitch, that you love. But we both know that you are nothing more than an animal, a pet that Mr MacFadyen will tire of as your condition worsens. You are the very worst abomination. Eventually, I will be all that is left of you.’

‘That is where you are wrong. You may have broken my body; even my mind for a time but you never destroyed my core. With patience, strength and Dan’s love I am whole again. There is no place for you, or your evil in our world.’

For the first time Dan saw the old man falter. He opened his mouth to speak but Dan beat him to it. ‘It must be very sad for you at this stage in your career, your whole life given in the pursuit of destruction, to realise you’re life’s work is a sham.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Vadim is living testimony to its failure. He stands here fit and healthy and able to love despite your best efforts to take him apart. All of your projections are false. His standing here makes mockery of everything you are. More so, because it was never about war or politics or mother Russia, but for love. The one thing you will never understand because it is you that are the monster Dr Konstantinov. You are the animal for wanting to destroy something so beautiful.’

‘Beautiful?’ Konstantinov scoffed.

‘Aye, have you ever seen such a beautiful man? You want him don’t you, you always have. That’s the truth of it. I can see it in your eyes when you look at him. You wanted him and you hated that he made you want him.’

The concrete exterior of the doctor started to crumble and Dan smiled. ‘What a sad, pitiful man you are. Come Vadim, I think more than a little sex is in order. I need a whole god damn fuckfest with you to celebrate the wars our love has won.’

Vadim turned to Konstantinov. ‘It has been very interesting running into you again. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more entertaining for you, but the look on your face is absolutely priceless. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.’

‘You really think you are whole?’ Konstantinov shifted, bringing back composure and a light amusement to his tone. ‘Suggestion can be very powerful.’

Vadim rose to his full, commanding height and looked down on Konstantinov. ‘You are just a sad old man with a scary voice. You have no power over me anymore. The reality has more weight than any suggestion you attempt to put into my head.’

‘I do not use suggestion alone, rather –‘

‘Rather one’s own weaknesses against them, I know.’ Vadim smiled. ‘Your mistake is one easily made by men like you. My ability to love is not a weakness. In trying to destroy me, you made me stronger.’

Neither Dan nor Vadim looked back as they strode towards the lift, arms around each other’s waists, leaning close. Sweet joy from simple pleasures.

‘That was…fuck, that was good,’ Vadim said, once the door to the lift closed.

Dan chuckled. ‘I still want to kill the fucker.’

‘It’s because of you, you know that.’ Vadim held a hand to Dan’s face. ‘I couldn’t have faced him without you. It’s always been you. You make me a better man.’

Dan moved in for a kiss, relishing the taste like no other. All the pain, blood, sweat and tears, worth it a million times over for just one kiss of his Russkie’s lips. From the very first time, with a bullet to the shoulder. Mine, always and forever. Dan savoured the thought. My Russkie. My cunt. One man – always just one man. Vadim.


Special Forces and The Administration: A Cross-Over Fanfic.
The following is an original work of fan fiction out of respect for the great writing and characterization of Special Forces and The Administration. The characters are the property of the original authors Vashtan, Marquesate and Manna Francis. It is strictly non-commercial and not intended to infringe any copyrights held by said authors. The text is not for sale or re-sale and not intended for profit.

A little ditty about the boys from Special Forces meeting up with the boys from The Administration based around an idea floated on a discussion board of Vadim seeking out PTSD treatment in the SIM. Dan however, discovered that wasn't the only trial on offer through SIMtech. 

Vadim Krasnorada and Dan MacFadyen have travelled to The Administration to meet with Dr Keir Warrick of SimTech. The hope is to take part in new trials for the treatment of PTSD using SIM technology. During their initial meeting Dan expresses an interest in any other trials that may be available. After discovering the two men may be good candidates for a project mapping neural processes during BSDM sessions, Warrick invites them for drinks.

Simsational Promises

‘Holy fuck, would you look at that.’ Dan patted Vadim’s knee, taking a long slow sip of his ridiculously expensive Single Speyside Malt. Vadim followed his stare. At the end of it stood a tall, well-sculpted man, short blonde hair, chiselled features and from this angle, an ass to die for. He glanced briefly in their direction and locked eyes with Vadim. Definite interest.

There was a dark, haunted look in his eye that made Vadim’s spine tingle. If the back of his neck hadn’t been completely smooth, the hairs would be standing on end in the very best of ways. The stranger glanced briefly at Dan’s hand still on Vadim’s knee before travelling up the arm to take in Dan.

‘You think he’s interested in a threesome?’ Dan ventured.

‘You know I don’t do that anymore Dan.’

‘Not even for him? Our own personal, Greek god.’ Dan’s hand travelled further up Vadim’s thigh.

‘I don’t think he’s Greek. You go, if you want him. He’s obviously interested.’ It hurt to say it but he wasn’t going to curb Dan’s fun just because they’d come out together. He could always go back to the hotel. It would be OK.

‘Maybe next time.’

Vadim met Dan’s gaze searching for an explanation.

‘We’re here to meet that Warrick bloke for a drink. I’ll have some time once your treatment starts. Besides, I’m interested to hear more about the other trials.’ Dan wiggled his eyebrows and leaned in for a light, reassuring kiss. Vadim followed into something much deeper, wanting to communicate his appreciation, feeling safe to express it in this strange city where the rules seemed different.

Someone cleared their throat. Looking up, Vadim came eye to eye with Dan’s Greek god. A small smile played around the full lips. Vadim blinked a few times. Fuck. Better close up, much better. Every ripple of muscle showed through the fashionably tight shirt.

‘Was that show for me?’ Before either of them could say anything, he offered his hand to Vadim. ‘Val Toreth, you’re here to meet Warrick right?’

‘How the fuck d’you know that?’

Vadim glanced at Dan, noticing how his hackles were rising. Dan was imposing, extra sexy, when he felt threatened. Every inch the uncompromising hard assed SAS bastard he’d met all those years ago. Vadim let out a breath. Kabul. Dust, heat and never enough time.

‘I’m…’ The man, Toreth, looked like he was struggling for words. ‘Warrick asked me to meet him here, meet you. The two of you stand out from the usual crowd.’

In a flurry of motion another body appeared. ‘Ah, you found each other.’ Dr Warrick looked flushed. ‘This is Val Toreth, my partner. Toreth, this is Vadim Krasnorada and Dan MacFadyen.’

Toreth flinched ever so slightly at the introduction. Partner? Interesting. Warrick hadn’t mentioned a partner at the office and Toreth was obviously open to invitations. Vadim felt those haunted eyes stripping him bare, stirring something inside. Something he wasn’t sure he should be focusing on right now.

‘You’re here for the SIM BDSM trials,’ Toreth grinned, only just letting go of Vadim’s hand. Vadim missed the touch already. Felt the potential in those hands. Dan’s hand tightened on his thigh and Vadim leaned against his shoulder, letting their bodies touch all the way down. Dan possessive. Vadim shuddered, wishing they could leave now, head for the hotel. Wanting, no, needing Dan to claim him.

Warrick shifted uncomfortably at the edge of the table. ‘So can I get you gentleman another drink?’

Toreth’s hand slipped around Warrick's waist resting at the small of his back as he gave Dan a cold stare. Statement of ownership, much like Dan’s hand still on Vadim’s thigh. It seemed the trials had already begun.


Dan watched as Toreth leaned against the bar waiting to be served. The fact that the man seemed intent on getting his claws into Vadim hadn’t lessened his appeal. Just tinged it with a bitter taste.

The bar was quieter than it had been the other night, the lunchtime crowd just settling in. Dan hadn’t wanted to come alone but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. He was half expecting Toreth to ask permission to fuck Vadim and yet there was too much about the man that made it clear he didn’t feel the need to ask.

‘Here you go.’ Toreth sat the glasses on the table in front of him and slipped into the booth.

‘So why the summons?’

‘Not a summons. I thought it would be good to chat.’ Toreth chinked his glass to Dan’s and took a drink.

‘You don’t seem the chatty type to me.’ Dan sipped the whiskey, eyeing Toreth’s half smile around those fucking perfect lips. Not like Warrick’s, his were faultless in a chiselled to perfection way. Not like Vadim’s that were like the rest of him, designed specifically to drive Dan over the edge of sense and reason. No, these lips were just fucking kissable, and definitely made for wrapping around a cock. Didn’t make the bloke likable, just fuckable.

‘You’re right. I thought we might be able to help each other out.’

‘From what I hear you get all the fucking you need without any help from me.’

‘Tone down the attitude. You don’t like me. I get it. I really don’t give a fuck.’

Astute, no idiot that’s for sure and straight to the point. Just as Dan liked it. He couldn’t argue with that. ‘So why am I here?’

‘I can give you something you need and you,’ he stopped to meet Dan’s gaze, eyes bright with amusement. ‘You have something I want.’


‘Partly. But if that’s all it was I wouldn’t ask now would I? The man’s capable of making his own decisions.’

‘I’m listening.’ Too calm, too collected. Dan couldn’t get much of a read on this guy. He was out of whack somewhere along the line.

‘I want to keep this civil otherwise Warrick will throw a fit. I can’t be doing with his sulking. The trials are important to him. I don’t want you running off feeling insulted.’

‘Are you going to be getting around to this anytime today?’

Dan watched Toreth twirl the glass in his hand, staring into it. ‘Warrick is out of bounds.’

‘You what?’

‘You don’t lay a finger on him, not even a wistful eye that’ll give him ideas.’

Dan let out a short laugh. ‘Surely the man’s capable of making his own decisions?’

Fierce was the only way to describe the look Toreth gave him. No messing around with this one. Open hostility. ‘Yes he is. Which is why you won’t give him the opportunity.’

Dan sighed. He’d hoped for something a little more exciting than more cock fighting. ‘So what is it you think you can give me in return?’

‘The big guy, Vadim. Very nice by the way, very fuckable.’

‘Oh I get it. You want mine but I can’t have yours is it?’ The fucking nerve of the man.

‘Not at all. I can give you what you won’t let him.’

Dan stared, taking in the words but not understanding. Give me?

‘What I haven’t figured out yet is why you won’t.’

‘Won’t what?’

‘Hand over the reins, let him push those boundaries of yours that are begging for attention.’

‘I’m not begging for anything.’ Dan shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

‘Sure you are. I have an eye for these things and I’m never wrong. Call it a perk of the job.’

Quick sand. Dan wasn’t sure what they were talking about anymore. ‘And what is your job exactly?’


Dan blinked a few times still trying to figure out how the conversation had turned around to be about him and... ‘I’m still not following.’

‘You get off on the power rush, being the one in control.’

‘No fucking surprises there. We spent the other night talking through it for the trials.’

‘But it doesn’t cater to that other part of you.’

Dan stared into his whiskey. So not the direction he wanted to be going in. Dark, unchartered territory that Dan kept locked behind steel doors. Toreth slid closer letting their thighs touch. Fuck. Dan felt the shift, a deep rumble of…something. Knew Toreth had leaned in but the proximity of hot breath over his neck was still unexpected. ‘I can push those buttons you won’t let Vadim play with until you can’t remember your name, let alone his.’

It took a moment for thought to return to Dan’s lust addled brain. Too many things he still chose not to remember. What if he didn’t have to force the memories down, the reflexes engrained in his body when he and Vadim played their games? Maybe this trip wasn’t just about Vadim fighting his demons.

‘And what do you want in return?’

‘You stay away from Warrick.’

‘You’ve already said that.’

‘And I get to fuck Vadim.’

‘No way.’

‘I’ll go after him anyway but I have the feeling it would be more fun if you tell him he has to.’


‘You’ve collared him right? He’ll fuck whoever you tell him to. I want him collared, on his knees, with you outside the door listening to him beg me to fuck him. Or maybe you should watch. I haven’t decided yet.’

‘You sick fuck.’

‘I’m not the one bleeding forced fuck fantasies from every pore. Everything I’ve asked for is inside the rules.’ Dark, hollow voice echoing through Dan’s head. Bleeding forced fuck fantasies. Rape. How the hell did the fucker know that? Dan shook his head, as much to kick start the words as communicate them.

‘The answers no. If Vadim wants to fuck you fine but I won’t give him to you.’

‘Why? You look like you’ve done it before.’

‘Aye, we used to do that but not anymore. Part of his recovery. I stay within his comfort zone just as you do with Warrick.’

‘Fair enough. He still fuck’s other people though right?’


‘Good. I’ll go for something more conventional then. So when do you want to fuck?’

Unbelievable. Dan met his eyes. Hungry predator, starving even. A ripple of something ran through Dan’s body. He tried to damp it down. ‘I never said I would.’

Toreth’s hand slipped under the table and over the erection straining to break free from Dan’s jeans. ‘You don’t need to say anything.’

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Dan shook his head. This wasn’t happening. He had to hold it together, couldn’t let this man in, not this man.

‘What? You can’t be afraid. I refuse to believe it.’

‘Not afraid, no.’

‘Worried you’ll like it too much and I’m the only one that can give it to you?’

So close. Worried everything would unravel, the tight control, the constant papering over old wounds. ‘Something like that.’

‘Well, you can fuck me too. I don’t mind. We can start there if you like, drop a few barriers or I’ll suck you off on the way over to mine, loosen you up a bit.’

There it was, staring Dan in the face as he met Toreth’s shrug. This guy didn’t care, no, couldn’t. Empty. A machine going through the motions, yet solid. Not trustworthy, not stable, but solid and unmoving. Dan took a deep breath. Vadim was making the effort to free himself of his nightmares to be Dan’s completely. Maybe it was Dan’s turn to do the same. It wouldn’t matter telling Toreth. He wouldn’t see it as weakness and he wouldn’t see either of them differently. Besides, if anyone had more experience of sex kinks Dan would likely never meet them. It was Toreth or nothing if he wanted to get his head around this.

‘I was raped.’

Toreth’s glass stopped on its way to his mouth and he stared.

‘Year’s ago now. Two guys jumped me in an alley.’

‘Fuck. That’s why you don’t let him go there.’

Dan nodded. ‘We play now and then, but that’s all it is. Only time I’ve ever come from just being fucked was in role-play.’

‘But you got off on it, the rape?’

‘Not at the time. It consumed me. All I had was an insatiable hatred. I killed one of the bastards.’

‘And the other one?’

Dan met Toreth’s eyes knowing it didn’t need words. He hadn’t intended to go so far with the story but…

‘You have got to be fucking kidding me? And I thought I was messed up.’

Dan shrugged. ‘It took years, but I love him.’

‘After what he did to you?’

‘I had my revenge a long time ago. We’ve found our peace. I just can’t…there are some places I still can’t go.’

Toreth placed the glass back on the table without having taken a drink. This was more than he’d bargained for. He didn’t like complicated. The thought of breaking the arrogant little fuck and making him hand over every last ounce of control had been too good to pass up but this – this was too much.

He took in the man next to him. Deep brown eyes stared out of a hard but handsome face, made more sinister by the scar that ran across one cheek. Good, broad shoulders that still held bulk and he’d noticed the other night the rest of the body looked as good. Definite naked potential. The Russian was a sex god, carved from stone that glistened in the club lights. This guy was earthy, with a wild air about him. He’d have liked to have them together but the power dynamic would have been against him and could easily go very wrong, very quickly. Now it looked like breaking up the party wasn’t going to work either. He wanted them both. The Russian was broken but this guy, this guy was just fucked up.

The last thing Toreth needed was another stalker. Shacked up with his rapist? That didn’t bode well for his ability to let go after life changing sex and Toreth had planned to push him into that zone.

‘Why did you stay with him, I mean how?’

‘Long story. We tried to kill each other, that didn’t work so we started fucking. Over the years it became the only escape we had. I was blown up and he stayed with me, then… We were practically living together when Vadim was called home only he was taken instead. Tortured for being gay, for… Two fucking years. Mock execution, the works.’

Toreth shuddered, his stomach flipped over, sweat beaded over his shoulders, remembering the gun at the back of his neck, the muddy riverbank and Kemp. Shifting forward to days locked in the cells at I&I not knowing what was going to happen to him. Two years?

‘Anyway. I’d never leave him. Can’t. Hurts too fucking much to even think it.’

That was something at least. The trials would finish and they’d disappear back to whatever weird and wonderful place it was they’d sprung from.

‘How long are you here?’

‘Not sure. A month maybe.’

Too long. Toreth didn’t mind the thought of a couple of decent fucks but that gave the potential for a few too many. Unless it turned out to be particularly good. He could always alternate between them. That could be fun.

‘So, do you want to fuck?’

Dan laughed. Knocking back the last of his whiskey. ‘I actually don’t know yet. Let me think about it.’

‘Suit yourself. Don’t think the offers open forever. Like you said, it’s not as if I need your help in the fucking department.’ Toreth drained his glass and got up to leave. Yep - arrogant fucker, that’s for sure. Let him stay in his safety zone if that’s what he wanted. It’s not as if Toreth cared one way or the other.

‘Why do you do it?’

Toreth paused. The bastard was smirking and after pouring his stupid, fucking little heart out. ‘Do what?’

‘Fuck around. Its obvious lover boy hates it.’

Toreth sat down heavily, keeping a tight lid on the anger threatening to take over and leaned in. ‘First off, Warrick is no lover boy.’ He practically spat the words in the bastards face. ‘Secondly, we have an understanding and it works for us. Why do you do it? If you love the Russian fucker so much why keep torturing him? Or do you get off on that too?’

‘I’m not doing it to prove anything. Vadim knows I love him, can’t live without him. Besides, I’m not shagging around with anything that moves and whose names I don’t remember in the morning. I have friends with benefits.’

Fuckability now at zero. Toreth seethed from the judgement, knuckles white in clenched fists. ‘Warrick has nothing to worry about with my fucking around. As you pointed out, I rarely remember their names, let alone see them again. You? You rub it in his face keeping them around. I bet he even has to entertain them doesn’t he, drinks, dinner? All the while knowing they’ve been up your arse and down your throat. That’s fucking twisted.’

‘Vadim has a regular fuck.’

‘Good for him. I hope he fucking leaves you for him.’ Toreth stood to go. ‘Have a nice day.’ You arrogant fuck. God he wished he didn’t have such a raging hard on for the self-righteous prick. But Toreth knew breaking Dan through that sheild he held so tight would be mind-blowingly good sex and he wanted it. Not right now. But soon.

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